


Onward

by istra_cor



Series: Enamore [3]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 13:21:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10465983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/istra_cor/pseuds/istra_cor
Summary: Young widow Dr. Mara Claire "MC" Valle-Scott settles into a rhythm as RFA's party planner, and finds herself increasingly attracted to Zen. But is she ready to let go of her past?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Occurs during Days 3-5 of the common/Zen good ending route.

I am trying to figure this guy out, and am attempting--with little success--to not get emotionally tangled up in the RFA.

Honestly, Zen is gorgeous. However, he goes on so frequently about how good-looking he is, that it makes my eyes roll so much I’m afraid they’re going to get stuck in the back of my head. I’m sort of  glad he can’t see me doing that. He is such a flirt, yet he whines a lot about not having a girlfriend because he is working constantly. It’s not like he couldn’t get a girlfriend if he wanted to; I’m sure he gets propositioned all the time. And he’ll get even more offers once this new project with Echo Girl gets going and raises his profile.

Sometimes, though, I get the sense that it’s just bravado, especially when I try to tease him and give as good as I’m getting. It’s so disconcerting; he’ll make a total one-eighty and say the sweetest things.

The other guys aren’t much better, except maybe Jumin. I’ll have to ask Jaehee if they ever flirted with her as much as they do with me. Maybe they didn’t because she’s Jumin’s assistant. And then of course there was Rika, who I can’t ask for obvious reasons, but she was with V.

I heard she committed suicide, which makes me angry to a degree. So many people would give so much to live, and then there are those who just throw it away.

I shouldn’t judge; I know better. She probably had serious mental health issues.

I don’t mention this to anyone in RFA, though generally I don’t say much because they all type so much faster than I do; I guess because they’re used to the interface. I haven’t told anyone about Jim yet, or that I'm only here for a couple of weeks. They haven't exactly asked. I wouldn't keep it from them if they did.

Poor Jaehee. She gets stuck with Elizabeth the 3rd and Jumin’s cat projects so much, and she just sucks it up. Jumin’s obsession with cats is pretty weird, but being good-looking _and_ rich gives you a lot of license for oddity. If Jaehee doesn’t stand up to him, she’s going to end up hating cats as much as Zen does.

Zen flatly turned down Jumin’s offer for a pretty lucrative modeling project for cat food. Apparently, Zen has a pretty severe cat allergy. Maybe he should consider allergy shots.

Cat commercial aside, I'm surprised by how consistently hostile Zen is towards Jumin, who doesn’t hesitate to approach matters in life with the power of money and influence. Zen got pretty defensive about earning kudos through his own merit. He was pretty worked up before he logged off tonight, which makes me think he has other reasons he despises Jumin so much.

I keep going back to Zen’s Youtube video. He can definitely sing, and the one-two combo of his voice and appearance turns my legs into jelly. It doesn’t help that he posted a photo from _Promiscuous Jalapeno Topping_ (Seriously, that’s a title? I’m thinking Korean English on top of the writer being high. This does not translate well.) where his shirt is open to the waist. Oh. My. Word. I wonder if he’s trying to bait me.

It's kind of working. ^^

I shake my head. I don’t know how I feel about this: smiling because of a boy’s attentions, however superficial. Am I betraying Jim? Logically, I know Jim would want me to be happy. But is it too soon?

I’m so confused.

I’ve settled into a bit of a rhythm here. I log into the chatroom periodically to see if there’s something I need to take care of. Since I’m still not sleeping well, I catch everyone at various times of the day and night. The other members will occasionally text or call, but I can't figure out the voicemail feature for when I don’t pick up. My guest list is growing, and the date for the party has been set for next week. V keeps mentioning security, which I don't get. What kind of information could there possibly be in these files that everyone is so clamped shut down about the location of this apartment? I’ve changed my profile photo on the app to a snapshot, so they can see I'm just a regular girl. I figured if I hadn’t, that Seven would lift one off my Facebook page himself anyway. And my sister Jo has calmed down, no longer threatening to drag me immediately back to Manila.

In the mornings, I go for a run after breakfast. It helps to clear my head as I figure out what I’d like to explore for the day. I also make some headway on a Korean language learning app, but it is slow going.

I think about Jim a lot while I’m running. The movement keeps me pushing onward. I think of all the friendships I made in the online game Jim and I played and met in (Yoosung should have hope, despite spending too much time on LOLOL), and how he stepped forward to take it further. I was so hesitant, so guarded after Ed dumped me for another girl after almost six years. Jim was endlessly patient after he asked to come meet me all the way from New York. I at first refused, then hesitated, then set up so many conditions for us to meet. In the end, he broke through all my barriers. When we married, I really thought we were destined for happily ever after.

And we were happy, for that too-short period.

Even when he was in the hospital, ill from chemotherapy, I wanted to spend every minute I could with him. Some days he could barely eat, and I would feed him. Or he wouldn’t be able to keep anything down, so I’d be up multiple times all day and night to clean him up. I’d shove my cot as close to his hospital bed so we could hold hands, or lie in the dark at night listening to the rhythm of his breathing.

God, I would have been content to spent the rest of my life taking care of him. What did Joy say to C.S. Lewis in _Shadowlands?_ "The pain then is part of the happiness now." I didn't understand that till I lived it.

There were days when we would spend a quiet weekend, when I wasn’t on call working and he was well enough to be out and about, that we would do something as mundane as go to the store. I remember crying in happiness in the car, to be able to do something so normal together.

And then, when he passed, after the funeral and everyone left, I went back to work. I thought I was okay. Then on my drive home, I had to pull over. I broke down because I realized that was when I would have been calling Jim to tell him I would be home soon. I couldn’t bear to go home to an empty apartment.

When his heart stopped, I felt like mine did too.

Yet these last few days, something is stirring inside me. Perhaps I can live again.


End file.
